Dear Abby: We have been married for 34 years. During most of those years, I was unfaithful. She didn’t feel like she was really married because her husband didn’t tell me the time of day, but I liked my married life. I think it’s because we were friends. As soon as my children got married and the nest was empty, I left home. I left home because I felt there was no need to stay here and be unhappy. I don’t understand why I didn’t divorce him for those 8 years.
Now we’re back together again and I don’t know why. We are not physically attracted to each other and he is manipulative, selfish and cynical. Abby, why am I afraid to move on from this situation? I hate being alone at home. I’d rather spend the day with my grandchildren. I didn’t really miss him while I was gone, but he called me so often that I felt obligated and guilty. What should I do?
— Searching for happiness in Arizona
For those looking for: If you really want to find “happiness,” you’ll probably start at the office of a licensed psychologist. Once you understand why you ended up with a manipulative, selfish, and sarcastic man who you’re not attracted to, you’ll know what to do next. From where I sit, I’m in the direction of the office of the lawyer who can help you untangle yourself from an unhealthy marriage once and for all.
Dear Abby: I work in a law enforcement department and have been recruiting for retirees for the past few months. One of our new employees’ girlfriends is an annoying know-it-all. When we talk about policy, she always corrects us, usually wrong. When we try to explain to her about her mistakes, she twists what we’re saying to make herself sound right or tells us we’re being rude.
It’s not just about policy. Everyday conversations can be frustrating. I commented on the geographic location and she started discussing it. Then she Googled it and found out I was actually right. I don’t want to argue every day with someone who thinks he’s always right. I’ve tried to let it go and say, “Yes, I understand, you’re right,” but sometimes it’s hard. My boss is not helpful. Since he doesn’t interact with her every day, he doesn’t realize it and we all say, “We just need to get along.” How should I handle this situation professionally?
— Beyond her girlfriend in Oregon
Dear Girlfriend: If this new employee’s personality issues continue, it could have a negative impact on the entire department. Ask your co-workers if they have experienced your relationship with that woman, and if so, what they think about it. If they agree that she needs to be right, even if she is wrong and there is a problem, contact her boss as a group and discuss it. That way, it will be viewed as a personnel issue rather than a personal issue.
For those celebrating Rosh Hashana: The Jewish New Year begins tonight at sunset. During this time of solemn reflection, I wish you, my Jewish readers, “L’shana tova tikatevu” that you will be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a great year ahead.
— I love you, Abby
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com.
