- Despite learning about Pokemon and wanting to improve his sleep, the author attempted to use Pokemon Sleep, but was unsuccessful due to poor sleep patterns and technical issues.
- The authors’ sleep data were consistently disappointing, with only a few hours of sleep and low rates of achieving optimal sleep.
- The author is considering deleting the Pokemon Sleep app to avoid possible cheating to grieve the in-game Pokemon Snorlax or improve sleep results.
Pokemon is a phenomenon that has almost passed me by. When the series started, I was a teenager with a PlayStation, but neither enough money nor willing to change allegiance to Nintendo. So it was 1996. I needed to raid her grave while falling in love with Lara Croft. So Pokemon became another iconic series that I never played.
Now that I have kids who talk a lot about Pokemon, I was thinking of buying one of the many games I have at home, but it just didn’t work out. I needed something quick and easy to access. Alpha tried mainline games on her sapphire, but couldn’t restart because one of her kids stole her DS and overwrote her save file. After that, I tried Pokemon GO, but it was also a failure because I don’t like to leave the house. So when Pokemon Sleep was announced, I thought I had won gold. Now that I can remember the names of Pokemon, all I have to do is sleep. It sounded perfect and it will. However, my sleep pattern is so bad that Snorlax cries.
It’s not just the names of Pokemon other than Pikachu or Charmander that have been unknown to me for years, so I get a good night’s sleep. Being autistic, mostly due to sensory processing disorders and frequent bouts of insomnia, I live with hope. Someday, you’ll find the perfect pillow and blanket combination that won’t make you feel itchy, hot, lumpy, or smell weird. I lie down and fall into a beautiful sleep, snoring peacefully for 6-8 hours, just like other members of my unnamed family.
Unfortunately that hasn’t happened yet, so I was hoping to trick my brain into sleeping with the excitement about the Pokemon. I wanted to know how it was affecting my sleep patterns, and if I was really getting less sleep than I thought. So the first night I set everything up and said good night to my little Snorlax and hit the sleep button. Pikachu appeared and I thought it was decided. I carefully put my phone under my pillow and eventually fell asleep.
In the morning, at 4:30 am to be exact, I picked up the phone to see how Snorlax had “rested” for the night, only to find an unexpected message. “Your sleep data is invalid.” Great. One day already my sleep is said to be invalid. I slept for about three hours, so it felt just right, but it still hurt.
The next day, I tried it again. I double-checked everything and again carefully placed my phone next to me. This time, I placed it on the bedside table a little further away, right next to my head. Just to make sure you don’t accidentally drop your phone out of bed at night and ruin it again.
The next morning, when I went to wake up Snorlax, I found the app completely frozen. I had no choice but to reset. Fail again.
We had two strikes and this third night all went well. If I struck out again, I was ready to press delete. So I repeated the nightly ritual of feeding and putting the Snorlax to sleep again, before carefully flipping the phone over and placing it in the optimal position with the screen on.
When I woke up, I finally had the data! After trying to sleep for 90 minutes, I logged a whopping … 4 hours. It was a huge amount of sleep time of 9 minutes, with snooze and snooze divided almost evenly. Snorlax was sad, and so was I.
I have since been able to acquire data for a few more nights with similar results. Looking at my graphs, it looks like there are graphs where 100 is the optimal amount of sleep you need. In the past week and a half, I still haven’t been able to cross the 50% line, so if another Sidak shows up, I might cross his 50% line as well.
It seems that no matter what I do, I’m destined to sleep badly, but at least if I press uninstall, I won’t be saddened by Snorlax anymore. Or maybe I just cheat by taking an excerpt from my colleague Ben Sledge’s book. Don’t tell Kabigon, he’s already mad at me.
Next: After spending hours on a Baldur’s Gate 3 character, I ruined her with an ugly hat